


Everything We've Left Behind

by RosemaryBagels



Series: Yet To Be Forgotten [1]
Category: The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Angst, Avengers Family, Hulk is an intelligent being, M/M, Natasha is great, Sadness, Sickfic, There's fluff in there somewhere, Tony Needs a Hug, Warning: Potential character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-21
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-22 00:10:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2487329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosemaryBagels/pseuds/RosemaryBagels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bruce barely feels safe among the Avengers as it is, and Tony Stark's obvious favoritism of him is not helping in any way. He's reluctant to leave though because somewhere along the line these people have gotten under his skin and into his heart.</p>
<p>The fact that there's a biological clock ticking down somewhere, waiting to tear this whole thing to shreds, may be irrelevant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything We've Left Behind

Bruce should have done this earlier. Even though rationally he knows he shouldn’t, he can’t help but embrace the warmth that spreads through his chest when he sees Tony’s face light up when he walks into the lab.

The call of, “Brucie!” seems a bit out of place without an enthusiastic hug from the engineer, but the man in question clearly doesn’t want to overstep his bounds now that he finally convinced the other scientist to come hang out with him. Bruce understands the greeting for what it’s meant to be: A casual greeting between two friends that allows Bruce to maintain his personal space.

That kind of sentiment is oddly out of place on Tony, but Bruce appreciates it all the same.

“Hey, Tony. What are you working on this time?”

“Nothing that can’t be postponed if you want a grand tour of the place.”

“Yeah. I’d like that.”

Tony was right when he bragged about the fantastic things his tower had to offer. Bruce suspects this is more because of Jarvis than the state of the art technology, although all the gadgets really help. Bruce can’t help but be in awe over everything the man in front of him has managed to create.

Bruce is even more surprised about whom he’d already gotten to move in to the tower. Clint and Steve look completely at home when the four of them meet in the kitchen. Clint is busy explaining the ‘awesomeness’ of j-pop to Steve, who somehow manages to look fascinated and horribly confused at the same time.

They both look up when Tony and him enter the living space, Clint sliding off the counter with an amused smirk on his face.

“Hey, green man. Tony finally convinced you to come join the dark side?”

Bruce has to smile, not only at Clint’s overly casual greeting, but also at the slightly horrified expression that crosses Steve’s face. The apologetic handshake offered by the man is warm, and Bruce smiles again.

“Yeah, I’m thinking about joining.”

.

Thor isn’t here often, but Tony has an entire floor in the building reserved for the god when he decides to pop by, and while he hasn’t seen her, Tony assures him that Natasha is ‘around’.

Then Tony gives him a tour of the rooms he’d designed for him specifically.

Thor isn’t even present all that often and he gets an entire floor to himself, but Bruce supposes that is okay, given that Tony has undoubtedly seen Thor more recently than he’s seen Bruce.

Bruce is expecting a guest room, nice but impersonal space, and a generous offer to use some of the lab space that Tony usually reserved for himself.

Thor gets one floor, but Bruce gets three.

He stands, almost completely awestruck, and watches Tony proudly show off all the cool bells and whistles he’s added into Bruce’s new living space, to make the entire place catered to his needs. Holy shit, this place is fantastic, and yet the only thoughts running through Bruce’s head are ‘how much time did Tony spend designing this place?’ More than a single afternoon, obviously.

“I can’t believe you did all this.”

“Everyone in the Avengers got their own living space. I just wanted to make sure everyone would be comfortable if they…” Tony trails off.

“You haven’t even seen me since New York,” Bruce has to point it out. “You couldn’t know if I would stay here. Why would you do all this for me?”

“You are a part of this team,” Tony says it like it is completely obvious, and Bruce feels the odd warmth spread through him again, “I do the same for you as I would anyone else who was part of it.

Even Steve only gets one floor within the Avengers Tower.

Bruce isn’t really sure how he should feel about that, but the slow smile that spreads across his face tells him all he needs to know.

.

It’s a casual conversation within the kitchen, when the topic is brought up. Bruce is sitting at the kitchen table reading the most recent briefing from Shield, while Clint is frying chunks of ground beef in three different pans. Steve is working on the counter opposite, chopping vegetables, and Natasha has assumed a spot going through Tony’s spice rack trying to decide how best to flavour the stir fry. Tony is leaning against the dishwasher, cup of coffee in hand, seemingly on the fence about whether he wants to help the rest of the team make what the five of them will be consuming for an evening meal or not.

“So, what happened between you and Pepper anyway?” Clint asks. Bruce looks up in time to see a brief melancholic expression cross Tony’s face, and watch as Natasha hisses and throws an unopened bag of bay leaves at Clint’s head.

“You don’t have to answer that,” she snaps.

“Nah, it’s fine,” Tony waves it off, “I figured someone would ask sooner or later.”

Everyone waits as Tony takes another slow sip of coffee before continuing to speak.

“Pepper wanted kids. She knew it would be difficult to have a family and run Stark Industries at the same time, but she wanted to try. And sure, me and kids sounds like a terrible idea, but I was wiling to try. I would be willing to try, for her. But Pepper wanted to know her kids would always have a father to come home to, and wanted me to drop being Iron Man so I could help her raise the family she wanted.”

The kitchen is silent, except for Clint slowly pushing the meat back and forth a few times. Natasha and Steve have both turned to watch Tony’s face, Clint is gripping the stove handle hard enough that his knuckles are turning white, and Tony is pointedly not looking at any of them. Bruce doesn’t have to be a mind reader to know what everyone in the room was thinking. How could she do that? If she truly loved Tony, how could she ask him to make that choice? Tony runs a slow hand through his hair.

“Well I got mad and asked how she could possibly ask that, and she got mad and brought the whole alcohol thing into it, and I got really defensive and said some things I probably shouldn’t have, and then she got really quiet and brutally honest with me and then stormed out of the house.” Tony chuckles humourlessly.

“Pepper contacted me a few days later to tell me that she sill loved me, and wanted to make things work between us, and I told her not to let the things I am get in the way of things she wanted to be. She told me I was a good man, and that she was keeping her position at SI, and I told her that was fine, and then she collected her stuff from my house and went back to her apartment. And then some stupid shield agent stormed in and told me it had been a week since the New York incident, and I needed to be fucking debriefed about it already.”

Tony ends his vague retelling of the segue of events to find the four other people in the kitchen staring at him.

“So, technically you broke up with Pepper before Loki was sent back to Asgard,” Clint states.

“Yeah.”

“Okay, uh wow. I never would have guessed that you had just gone through a breakup.”

“I had some time to think about it. Pepper was great to me, but she never was very supportive of the whole superhero thing.”

Tony stops speaking when Steve walks across the kitchen and pulls the man into a very tight hug.

“That was very courageous of you, Tony,” he whispers.

“Yeah,” Tony says after a pause. “I guess it was.”

.

Natasha wakes up in the middle of the night. This isn’t a particularly unusual thing for her, but this time there is something different.

This time she is awoken by laughter.

She smiles for a moment, before rolling over, but eventually her curiosity gets the better of her desire to sleep more. She leaves the warmth of her bed with a trained ease, and wanders down the hallway and up a flight of stairs to Clint’s living space where there is a soft light floating down the hallway.

The scene she comes across is so bizarrely picturesque that she hangs back in the doorway, just in the shadows, to watch her teammates.

Clint, Bruce, and Tony are all sitting in an awkward sort of circle on the floor, each with a pile of cards in their hand. The shadows play across Bruce’s face, and Tony’s back is towards her, but Clint’s face is a look of hard concentration.

“Tony, do you have any threes?” Clint asks, a look of complete seriousness on his face.

“Nope,” the word is drawn out like it has two syllables. “Go fish.”

“Damn!” Clint pouts.

“Sorry, better luck next time, Cupid,” Tony shoots back.

“I swear you two are ganging up on me,” Clint mutters.

“We wouldn’t do that, would be Tony?” Bruce allows his voice to colour a bit, making it perfectly obvious that he isn’t at all serious.

“Of course not, Clint. Brucie and I would never dream of doing that to you.”

“Oh I am so on to you!” Clint exclaims, but turns his attention back to his cards.

“Geez, do none of you ever sleep?” Steve’s voice echoes from across the room, at the other entrance. His eyes are haggard as if he just had a nightmare, but the signs are quickly fading within the presence of other people.

“Evolutionary tactic,” Natasha adds, giving away her position, but she is pleased when all three of the men on the floor jump. “When one of us is up, we are all up.” Steve rolls his eyes and wanders over to Clint’s almost unused kitchen.

“Well I’m making hot chocolate. Does anyone else want anything?”

.

“You’re an absolute idiot! How could you possible think that strategy would work?”

“I didn’t know the best way to handle the situation. I did what I thought was best!”

It is Clint and Steve having a huge fight this time, which Bruce thinks is a breath of fresh air from the usual Steve/Tony fights.

They had been called out to deal with an unusual animal which had been sighted along the Canadian coast. The Avengers had arrived to discover a larger than normal reptilian creature which, upon seeing the group instantly charged them, resulting in a huge fight. Steve had managed to keep his head and create a functional battle plan, but unbeknownst to him the creature could also fire projectile spikes. Natasha had gotten hit with one of the projectiles, and though she would make it through just fine, it was the nearest they had gotten to close call in a while.

Clint is scared, but is hiding it behind anger, and Steve feels guilty but Clint’s need of someone to blame puts him on his most defensive. Months of sparring with Tony has left him totally prepared to match the other smart talker with every insult.

Bruce stays out of it. The two of them need to blow off steam, and if yelling at each other achieves that, then he would let them have at it. More concerning was the person who hasn’t gotten involved yet. In any other circumstance, Bruce would have expected the billionaire to get right in the thick of the tension, though whether to diffuse it or increase it is sometimes hard to tell.

But Tony was standing distractedly in the helicarrier trembling slightly, and his skin looks rather pale. He looks like he is about to throw up. Then the plane lurches a little, and Tony’s hands fly to his mouth as if he actually is going to throw up. Bruce is at his side in an instant.

“Are you okay, Tony?” he asks the man quietly, as so not to draw the attention of the still fighting pair.

“I’m… fine. I think.”

“Are you feeling dizzy or feverish? Did the creature hit you with something else that we don’t know about?”

“No. I wasn’t hit with anything. It was just a sudden wave of nausea,” Tony groans as the plane lurches again, and Bruce pulls him over to the far wall where he can sit down.

“Alright. It’s probably just something you ate, but if you notice any other symptoms, you should seek medical attention.”

“Are you sure you don’t count Bruce?”

“I’d be happy to help you with anything you need. But I shouldn’t be the only opinion.”

“Yeah, alright.”

Tony relaxes backwards into the chair, closing his eyes. Bruce tries not to watch as the lines of tension slowly vanished from his face, and a bit of colour returns to his cheeks. Then Tony’s head falls over onto his shoulder, and Bruce realises his friend is completely asleep. Still in the suit, which could not be comfortable, but he looks so absolutely peaceful that Bruce simply does not have the heart to move him.

Bruce watches Tony sleep. Watches the tiny puff of air that escapes the man’s mouth when he exhales, and the subtle way his eyelids flutter occasionally.

By the end of the flight Bruce wants nothing more than to curl up around the other man and hiss and anyone who dare disturb the rest he disserves.

Damn it.

The man is growing on him.

.

I has been three months since he started living with the Avengers, and Tony’s face still lights up like a Christmas tree whenever Bruce wanders into a room. At first he thought it was just Tony’s delight in having a new playmate within the tower, and one to discuss technical jargon with at that, but he began to notice other subtle differences in the man as well.

There is a difference of glances and of tone of voice on occasion. There were the subtle and not so subtle things that Tony does to make Bruce’s life just a bit easier, and sure leaving out an extra plate of leftovers so Bruce could have something to eat when he finally stumbles from his lab isn’t much, but Tony rarely does anything for anyone. For him, this is huge. Then there is the banter. It isn’t like the friendly tone Tony strikes up with Clint, of the insulting tone that Tony assumes when he and Steve are butting heads again, or Fury is being an ass again. It surely isn’t the tone of familiarity but respectful distance that Tony falls into when talking to Pepper. To be honest it is more like flirting than anything else…

Holy mother of god Tony Stark is flirting with him.

Tony Stark is actually flirting with him.

Bruce runs his fingers through his hair staring up at the ceiling. Sure it might just have been that Tony is flirting with him, simply because Tony is flirting with him, but Bruce somehow suspects that this isn’t the case.

There is this look that Tony gets on his face sometimes, when Bruce says something brilliantly sciency, or just does something Tony finds brilliant in general that make Bruce think that Tony wants to hold on to him, and never let him go.

Which Bruce doesn’t actually see that much of a problem with.

God knows the man is good looking. But not only that, he is funny. Bruce barely laughed after his little experiment had gone wrong, but Tony seems to have made it a daily goal to challenge that fact. He has issues, that is for sure, but most of them were problems that Bruce himself has and couldn’t complain about, like the spending hours on a project and forgetting to eat thing.

But his presence is warm and comforting to Bruce, and the fact that he can connect so easily to the other man makes it so easy to relax into the urges to touch him, and kiss him. To hold him and never let go.

It isn’t like Bruce doesn’t want it, because he really really does, but he just cannot do it.

He can’t risk it just yet.

If he shuts his eyes and opens his mind, he can feel the Hulk simmering beneath the surface. He is too close, always to close, and though The Avengers Tower is a good place for him, that doesn’t give him the luxury of forgetting.

It isn’t that he doesn’t want it. The Hulk and romantic relationships simply don’t fit within the same picture. Maybe in time Bruce can learn to even it out, but it will take a while.

Bruce has a while to work with.

He doesn’t expect Tony to wait for him, but if he puts effort into it, he might eventually gain the strength to love again.

But in that moment, Bruce comes to resent his alter ego just a little bit more. If he didn’t have the big green to worry about, he could gladly enter a relationship with the man he wants to. But he just can’t.

He has to explain this to Tony.

He doesn’t want to get the man’s hopes up.

Goddamit, this is going to be an awkward conversation.

.

“I get it.” Tony is leaning against a tabletop in the workshop Bruce has finally cornered him in. He is twisting the same piece of metal over and over again, pulling it over and under his fingers, seemingly just to give his hands something to do. “I’m not going to say I’m happy about it, but I get it.

“Tony…” Bruce doesn’t know what exactly he can say to make it any less painful.

“It’s a step too far outside your comfort zone, and though I don’t really see a problem with it, I’m not you and I don’t know what you have to deal with. I’ll respect your judgement.”

Oh goddamn his luck that Tony manages to find the one thing to say to make things more painful than they already are.

“We’re still on to work on the wormhole theory again on Monday, right?” Tony’s voice rings out again.

“Or course,” Bruce’s throat is so dry it feels like he took a short wander through a desert, and his voice must sound like a croak, but he pushes on. “I wouldn’t miss it.” And Tony smiles, a sad sort of accepting smile that Bruce just wants to wipe of the stupid man’s face because he’d rather deal with angry words than empty smiles that still make his stomach do flips despite the fact that he is rejecting the man who makes them.

Tony puts his hand on Bruce’s shoulder as he heads out of the workshop, and both of them pretend to ignore the fact that the touch lingers a few moments longer than in should. The warmth vanishes, and then Tony is gone.

Bruce accepts the fact that the other man might want to be alone in his present circumstance, but that doesn’t stop him from wanting to run after him. The tears burn in the back of his eyes, but Bruce swears he will not cry over a relationship that he knew was never going to happen, but fuck it, he absolutely hates himself right now he will do whatever he so desires.

But not here. Not in the sort of public workshop that every Avenger has access too.

This grief is private. Bruce will deal with it alone.

Just him, Hulk, and a too large bed.

.

Clint is actually really happy with his life. This is a pretty big thing, because it is rather new for him. It isn’t unusual to enjoy what he was doing, but in the downtime of his life he was usually dogged by the unpleasant feeling that he was missing something. That whatever he’d been doing at the time simply wasn’t good enough.

But not anymore. Now he has people he likes living with, enjoys working with, and whom he can feel good about standing beside. He has a family. And while the work with Shield is good, it isn’t the same.

It isn’t family.

Clint had been in a pretty terrible mental space when he’d been pulled from Loki’s mind control only to find that Phil had been murdered. He’d expected Natasha to stick around and try to pull him from his spiral of self hatred and regret, but Tony had surprises him.

Tony actually cares, and the man’s sideways approach to solving problems finally jolted Clint from the funk he was in. He is sarcastic, but hilarious, and Clint takes great delight in having a banter partner that isn’t afraid of accidentally offending someone, as most of the other people Clint knows usually are.

And he’d taken the first step in uniting the team in a non crisis situation for which Clint is entirely grateful, because Steve and Bruce are fantastic people and Clint really loves getting to know them as well, and the environment that Tony has set up actually allows Natasha to relax some which Clint hasn’t seen in… ever.

So yeah life is good.

But it would be even better if Clint had some coffee.

And while he could ask Jarvis to make him some, Tony doesn’t actually have tiny robots running around and fetching things for people.  This meant that in order to actually drink said coffee he was going to have to get up.

When Clint actually manages to stumble into the kitchen Tony is sitting at the table, distractedly stirring a bowl of long mushy cereal while reading off his tablet. Clint wanders over to the coffee pot, and is relieved to find it almost full, undoubtedly because Tony himself has probably just got up.

There had been a while there where Clint though Tony and Bruce were going to be a thing, which Clint was absolutely rooting for because the two science buddies had such fantastic chemistry, but then it seemed like they had a conversation, and Tony backed off a bit.

Secretly he and Natasha have been on alert for a few days after that, to step in if either of them starts manifesting self deprecating tendencies again, but the two of them seem to have ironed out whatever issues they have and got back to a slightly different norm.

This is sad, because even Natasha thinks they would make a cute couple.

Tony glances up when Clint sits down with his cup of coffee, a smile flitting over his face. The man’s face looks gaunt. He clearly hasn’t gotten any sleep the last night, and Clint highly suspects he hadn’t been sleeping the night before as well.

Damn geniuses.

The companionable silence is broken when Tony stands up to put his bowl in the sink, but is forced to steady his balance with a hand against the table. Clint looks up to find that his friend was suddenly about three shades paler.

“Tony? Are you okay?”

“Uhm… yea? Maybe?” Tony took attempts to take a step forward, and Clint is out of his chair when Tony starts swaying violently, stabilising the man before something worse happens. “Or maybe not,” Tony mutters.

“Geez man, how long has it been since you last slept?”

“Two days? Maybe three?” the hesitancy in the man’s voice is obvious.

“Alright. I guess it’s impromptu nap time for you then,” Clint kept his tone light, since Tony is likely to react badly if he let the worry he felt be noticeable. Nagging him about sleep was something Pepper would do, and Clint is not Pepper.

“I don’t really want to—“

“Nope. You don’t get a say in this. Nap time.”

Tony doesn’t say anything else, but Clint takes his silence as an okay to continue. Jarvis is being helpful as Clint walked the billionaire to his room, the man leaning more of his weight on Clint than his own feet, but Clint supposes that is okay, as Tony is ridiculously light. He wonders what the man had been eating, because he appears to have lost quite a bit of weight.

If Tony isn’t asleep by the time he hit the pillow, then he lost the battle against sleep very soon afterwards, because he doesn’t move after Clint puts him down.

“Jarvis, don’t let him out of here until he has at least five hours of sleep, okay?”

“Or course, Mr. Barton.” The AI’s voice rang out, as smooth and collected as it usually is. Clint is pretty sure Jarvis would follow Tony’s commands over his own, but it made him feel a little better to have made the request.

With one last look at his friend, Clint wanders out of Tony’s section and back into the common space, before asking Jarvis to locate Bruce.

He wants to make sure everyone in his family is okay.

.

Tony awakens in agony.

The odd chest pain he’s been feeling had made a sudden reoccurrence and it feels like someone has placed a weight on his lower ribs. It has also become almost impossible to breathe, and while Tony is mostly sure that is just because he was panicking, whatever weight is on his chest is pushing on his lungs and he can’t breathe in quite enough.

He knows this is bad. He is completely terrified, and his panic is spiralling out of control because he can’t breathe, he really can’t breathe…

“Sir! Sir, are you alright? Do you need me to call for medical assistance?”

And just like that Jarvis’ voice manages to break through the panic. Everything is fine. He is in his house, in his bed, and Jarvis is there to look over everything. He manages to slow his breathing a bit, and while it is by no means entirely back to normal, it is at least under control.

The pain in his chest eases up a bit when he sits up, too.

“No, Jarvis, emergency medical assistance will not be necessary.”

“If you say so, Sir.”

“Hey Jarvis.”

“Yes, Sir?”

“Are we still paying that private doctor that Pepper hired?”

“The contract with Dr. Gremnan still stands. Would you like me to make an appointment?”

“Yes.”

“For what time?”

“As soon as fucking possible.”

“He has an opening at his office in an hour and twenty minutes.”

“Fantastic.”

Tony gets up slowly and makes his way over to his closet so he’d at least look mildly presentable for whatever is going to happen.

Goddamit, he hasn’t sought out medical attention for himself in years, and he’s always gone along fine. But this time it is different. This time Tony knew it is different. He’s been through dying before, and it isn’t an experience he really wants to go through again. He would prefer to float along, blissfully ignorant of anything coming his way to pull him from this life. But Tony can’t do nothing anymore.

He is absolutely terrified.

And the only way to be less terrified is to gain more information.

If only the thought of what he might learn didn’t terrify him so much.

.

Steve is absolutely delighted when Thor appears. It has been quite a while since the god has come around to visit them. He’s been back to Midgard once or twice, but given that there were no huge dire concerns, Thor elects to spend most of his time with Jane. This is fine, except Steve kinda wants to have the entire group in one place for a change, which hasn’t happened since the New York incident. He is looking forward to having a real group get together for once.

He asks Jarvis where everyone is, when Thor first wanders into the kitchen in search of people, and Jarvis tells him that Tony is out at a personal appointment, which is weird because Tony hasn’t mentioned anything, but everyone else is in the building, and having been informed of Thor’s arrival, is currently heading to their location.

To say that Thor greets his teammates enthusiastically is a bit of an understatement, him going so far as to actually swing Natasha around in a circle when she greets him with a hug.

The Avengers abandoned whatever they had been doing previously to sit down and trade stories with Thor, who wants to know everything that has happened since he last saw them, specifically the battles which Clint seemed to have great fun retelling, but they all relaxed enough to start stepping on each others toes, correcting various exaggerations that the others thought they could get away with, which Thor took to with great amusement.

On a more sombre note, Thor tells of his brother’s sentencing, which was essentially a rudimentary form of isolation for the rest of his life.

Steve doesn’t quite approve, as complete isolation was enough to make a man go insane within a human lifetime, never mind an Aesir one, but he really doesn’t have a say in Asgardian justice, and he supposes Shield only really cared that Loki was far from earth, so he kept his opinions to himself.

It is quite a while later in the day, when the five of them were preparing to make pizzas for the evening meal, when Natasha receives a text.

“Who’s that?” Clint is instantly hovering over her shoulder when she pulls out her phone, but she drops the device and glares at him so he takes a step back.

“It’s Stark,” she says, when Clint has gone pack to piling bacon on his pizza.

“And what’s he want? More importantly where is he? I thought he would be all over super hero reunion time.”

“Knowing him he’s somehow gotten himself stuck in his suit doing something stupid, and wants me to help him out of it because I am the only one who might not laugh at him.”

“Whatever,” Clint shrugs. “Go find the idiot and get him up here before we run out of pizza crust.” Natasha nods, and wanders out of the room.

Steve watches her as she wanders away. She and Tony always had an odd relationship. They usually referred to each other by last names, although he had seen Tony swayed if everyone else in the conversation was calling her Natasha, but that seems to be out of respect more than anything else.

Steve has never noticed them enthusiastically agree on something the way Tony would with Bruce, but they never really got in fights either. They didn’t spend any time together one on one to Steve’s knowledge, yet they function as a fantastic team when required to work together.

Steve has asked Clint about it, and the man said that the two of them had met before the Avengers were assembled. He said they didn’t have a good start and were wary of each other. Or at least, Tony was more wary of Natasha than he was with most people, and Natasha was wary of anyone, but kind of liked Stark, and let him maintain the distance he wanted. Then he shrugged and said he wasn’t sure entirely what happened and wandered off, leaving Steve just as confused as he began.

Still, Tony asking for Natasha specifically…

Something is up.

.

Natasha’s footsteps quicken as she gets out of the line of sight of everyone in the kitchen.

_Could I talk to you? Preferably alone?_

Is the text that Tony sent, and it has Natasha more worried than she really wants to admit at the moment.

_Where are you?_

_In my workshop._

Natasha heads to the elevator, and is not surprised when it begins moving without her touching anything. Jarvis was obviously aware of Tony’s request.

Natasha has never been in Tony’s workshop before, as the man usually kept everyone locked out of it, only to bring certain people in if he had something to show them. To her knowledge, Pepper is the only person who can consistently get into Tony’s lab when he decides to lock everyone out.

She isn’t exactly sure what to expect when she entered the workshop, potentially Tony stuck with a portion of his suit welded to a wall, or maybe a man holding a gun to his head who’d asked to speak to her specifically, but what she finds is completely different.

Tony is sitting, slumped against the far wall, and he looks up slowly when Jarvis opens the doors for her. He looks absolutely awful. Not like he’d been crying, but like he was just completely… defeated.

Natasha walks slowly across the floor, keeping her eyes on Tony as she approached. When she got close to him, Tony looked away, refusing to make eye contact when she knelt down in front of him.

“Tony? Will you tell me what happened?” She keeps her voice quiet, not wanting to disturb the silence of the lab. In response Tony pulls thin folder of paper from his chest and hands it over with shaking hands. Natasha takes it from him, and places her hand on his knee.

“Tony, will you tell me what this is?”

“Just read it.” Tony’s voice sounds harsh.

So she does. And it is not a pleasant read. After the first paragraph of the first page she switches to skimming over the document, gleaning the most useful facts, before dropping the folder to the ground.

“Oh, Tony…” She scoots around on the floor so she was beside him, and pulls the absolutely freezing man beside her into a tight hug. Tony is slow to react, but he eventually curles up tighter against her, as if to leech some of her warmth.

“What do I do now, Tashi? What do I do now?” Tony’s voice is tainted with tears unshed.

“I don’t know,” Natasha responds. “Not what you did last time?” Tony gave a dry, humourless chuckle.

“Yeah. I guess.”

“We aren’t kicking you off the team because of this.”

“You sure about that. I’m sure Steve wouldn’t want—“

“Steve won’t care about it. As long as you maintain physical condition you’ll be fine.”

“But I won’t. Maintain physical condition that is.”

“Tony Stark. I will only say this once, so I want you to listen very carefully. This team is not just a group that goes out there and fights bad guys when someone tells us too. This team is a family. We are a family. And even if this ends up going sideways, you are a part of this family. Absolutely nothing can change that. You will always have us.”

“Oh god,” Tony whispers. “I’m going to have to tell them, won’t I Tashi? Clint and Steve and Bruce and Pepper. Oh god. How do you do that? How can you walk up to someone and tell them that you’ve got…” Tony trails off.

“Shhh,” Natasha cards her finders through his hair, in a calming motion. “I have absolutely no idea how you’d do that. But you don’t have to do it right now. And you don’t have to do it alone.” There is silence for a moment, before Natasha speaks again, “Thor came back, ya know.”

“Oh. That’s nice. How’s he?”

“He’s… alright.”

“Well that’s always good.”

“Yeah, it kinda is.”

Booming laughter echoes from overhead, serving to remind the pair of just how alone the two of them are, down in the cold of the workshop.

“I suppose we should go up there at some point,” Tony says.

“We don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” Natasha responds. Tony sighs slowly.

“My doctor is transferring me over to a specialist. My first meeting with them is on Wednesday. I know I need to go, but I don’t really want to go alone, and I guess I was wondering if...”

“Yes.” Natasha doesn’t hesitate, because this isn’t the kind of promise she’d hesitate about. She’d gladly do this small thing that Tony was asking her, when the world was already asking of so much from the man. “Yes, I’ll go with you.”

“Thank you,” Tony breathes. They sit in silence for a few more minutes, listening to the laughter ringing out again at irregular moments. The wall behind her was cold, and the sitting position she was in is uncomfortable, but she wouldn’t have moved for the world because contrary to what Clint believed, she did actually care for the man beside her.

The man had taken so long to finally open up to her, and now that he had, she was going to dig in her heels, and not let him go.

There was no way he could survive this otherwise.

.

Tony looks rather melancholy when he and Natasha return to the kitchen, Bruce notes, but the expression melts off his face when he greets Thor.

But for the rest of the evening his smiles were just a little too bright, laughter just a little to fake. Bruce longs to pull him off to the side and ask him what is wrong, but there never seemed to be a good time.

Whatever conversation him and Natasha had obviously changed something, because the two were never far apart from each other. Not in the sense that the two of them had suddenly become a couple, the dynamic wasn’t right, but there was an odd sort of power play going on.

Natasha stepped forward whenever she thought Tony was vulnerable, and Tony shrunk back to her whenever he felt offset. It was odd.

Bruce has to fight the burning wave of jealousy in his stomach. He forces himself to remember that he was the one who had destroyed the attempt at a more intimate relationship, and he really doesn’t have a reason to be mad about the people Tony chooses to tell things to.

But it still stung. A lot.

What could Tony possibly have wanted to tell Natasha that he didn’t feel comfortable telling anyone else?

.

“So what’s with you and Tony?” Natasha has been expecting Clint to ask her this question for the past twenty minutes she has been ‘alone’ in her room.

“What about it,” She keeps her tone cold, a lot sharper than she usually is with Clint, and she feels a twinge of regret when he sucks in a sharp breath, but he has to understand that she isn’t going to give anything away about what Tony has confided in her.

“Yesh, sorry for stepping on your toes, spider. Couldn’t help but notice that come six hours ago, you and Stark were on a last name basis, and suddenly you two are chumming together on the same branch, thick as thieves. Do I need to be planning baby names soon?” Natasha shoots him a sharp look, saying that his jab at her and Tony being a couple is unappreciated, before considering exactly what to say to reassure her partner.

“You know how hard it is for people like him to show vulnerability, right?”

“Yes...”

“Tony is… going through some stuff. He needed to confide in someone, and I have no idea why that someone was me, but now that I have his trust, I intend to keep it.”

“Okay. That’s fair. Is this ‘stuff’ something I need to be worried about?”

“Yes. You won’t be hearing it from me, but I know Tony plans on telling you sooner or later.”

“Tasha,” Clint’s voice has gone very quiet. “What’s going on? What isn’t Tony telling us?”

“I’m sorry, Clint. I can’t. I really really can’t.”

Clint sighs, clenching and unclenching his fists.

“Fine. But keep me posted, okay? I want to know if this thing gets any worse.”

“Okay,” Natasha whispers into the dark where Clint has vanished.

“Okay.”

.

Natasha leans back in her chair, trying to process everything that the doctor is saying. Everything is worded very carefully, to hint at solutions, but giving no positives until more tests could be done.

Tony is having a physical examination today, along with giving blood and urine samples, and he will be back two days to do some more specific tests, to find out exactly what was going on.

Tony seems to be taking things well, all things considered.

Given the fact that he had already lived through knowing he was dying, the ‘you might be dying but don’t panic yet because we don’t have enough information’ speech must have seemed like old news. Still the idea that things within her friend’s body were rebelling against their host being fills her with terror.

No matter how much she wants to be able to, this is a monster she can’t fight.

“What are you thinking of?” she asks the man while the two of them are getting a ride back.

“I’m distracting myself,” Tony responds. “No point in getting all worked up until I actually get that CAT scan or whatever it was the doctor was suggesting.”

The rest of the ride back was silent, but when Tony reaches out for her hand across the open space, Natasha takes it without question. Tony’s grip is sweaty and tight, as if she was the only anchor Tony had keeping him solid in the rage storm of emotions, and Natasha grips his hand back, just the slightest bit too hard.

They could make it through this. They had to.

.

Thor’s flashy return to Midguard has prompted an extremist group that believed the Avengers were actually trying to spread worldwide communism and topple democracy, which Shield dismissed as a group of teenagers causing a ruckus, until the group revealed that they had designed weapons that could create small pockets of antigravity, and the Avengers are sent out to deal with them.

Which basically amounts to them all running around knocking people out and looking like ridiculous idiots if one of them gets stuck in one of the random antigravity fields.

Tony feels very glad that he is in his suit. Not only because he has propulsion, and can easily remove himself from an antigrav field by himself, but at several points during the fight he would do some movement that would put pressure somewhere that would send pain streaking throughout his entire body, and he is positive that if Steve could see his facial expressions, he would order him out of the field, where Tony would just feel useless not matter how much he knows it might be a good idea.

Tony is pretty sure that Natasha knew at least some of what was going on, but he is glad that his judgement of her character had held strong. She hasn’t told anyone what is going on, and she isn’t pointing out his slowly deteriorating physical state to anyone.

He is glad he’d decided to trust her.

Then the stupid teens roll out something even bigger, which might have done something horrible but they would never really know, because while the thing was powering up and aiming uncomfortably close to Tony, the Hulk decides to come into play.

The fight is ridiculously short after that.

Tony approaches the Hulk after the dust is settled.

“Hey big guy. It was nice of you to come join the party. These pesky little buggers would’ve been a lot harder to clean up without your help.” Hulk gives Tony a slightly confused look, before turning away.

“Hulk no like you right now.”

“Uhh… okay. Wanna tell me why that is?”

“Banner hate Hulk because of you.”

“Oh. I am sorry about that.”

“Not Tin Man’s fault. Banner is stupid.”

“Yeah but… He might be right on this one, Big Guy.”

Tony leaves after Hulk shoots him a disapproving look, but he can’t help the sinking resignation that fills his stomach. It is probably a good thing that Bruce Banner has opted out of being in a relationship with him, because now well…

Tony grits his teeth. The final results were not in yet. He did not have all the facts yet.

He could not actually say he was going to die.

.

“The Hulk said what?” Bruce explodes, when Clint tells him of the conversation he overheard. “Okay, never mind. Moving on to what you said was a more concerning issue.”

“O… Kay? So Tony responded ‘I am sorry about that’ and Hulk was all like ‘not your fault Banner is being stupid’ and then Tony said ‘but he might be right on this one, big guy’ and then walked off.”

“Tony said what?!” Clint gives him a disapproving look, and Bruce sinks back into the sofa. “I’m sorry. Was that everything?”

“Yes. So what do you make of it.”

“Well two things. One, the other guy is more aware of my day to day life than I think he is, and that may or may not be a good thing, and two, something has happened in Tony’s life recently that has made him think absolute shit of himself, and given that we are some of the closest people to him I think it’s kind of problematic that we don’t know what is going on.”

“Natasha would know.”

“Are you sure? Tony and her did get rather chummy recently, but he doesn’t usually spill his personal secrets to people he just got close too.”

“I asked her about it, and she said Tony needed someone to confide in. She said it was something we should be worried about, but we wouldn’t get anything from her.”

“Well, if her aim was to get us worried, she definitely succeeded.”

“So what do we do now? Do you think you could get Tony to talk?”

“Maybe. I think we first need to talk to Steve. I’d rather have all of us on the same page.”

.

The results were in. Tony sits in a chair along the wall of the office, his face disturbingly blank, as he attempted to control his breathing.

Natasha sits beside him slowly rubbing circles into his back, waiting until the man has control of himself.

“What do we do now?” she whispers, more to herself than to anyone in the room.

“Pepper,” Tony answers after a moment. “We call Pepper.”

.

Pepper gets the call just after she sat down at her desk. Well more accurately, she sat down at her desk and then took ten minutes to sort the piles on it into more manageable files, and then opened her laptop in order to do actual work.

“This is Natasha Romanov,” the speaker says when she first picks up the phone. Pepper almost pulled the phone away from her ear to stare at it, because she’s never even met Black Widow, and here she is calling her on her personal cell phone.

“This is Pepper Pots,” she responds.

“I am at Tony Stark’s current location, and your presence is required immediately.” Pepper feels something in her blood freeze at that statement. Tony better not have gotten himself arrested again, because the last experience had not been fun in the slightest.

“And what is Tony Stark’s location exactly?” And then Natasha tells her where Tony is, and Pepper is panicking for an entirely different reason. Her secretary must have been very confused when she barrelled out of the office, but at the present moment Pepper really couldn’t care less, because her entire being is filled with one single drive.

Get to Tony.

Natasha’s instructions lead to a hospital, sure it’s a private sector that isn’t actually part of the hospital, but it is connected to the hospital all the same.

Pepper isn’t sure what she expects, but she pictures the worst, Tony lying in a white bed, hooked up to numerous machines and not breathing without assistance. When she opens the door to find Tony sitting, perfectly healthy in a chair, she almost wants to smack him for scaring her so much. Then he turns to face her, and she catches sight of his expression, and all her anger fades.

Something is very wrong.

“You must be Pepper Pots,” The doctor says as she enters from the adjoining door. Pepper nods.

“Yes. That’s me.”

“Tony has informed me that I am to give you all the specific details of his treatment.” Treatment? For what? How long had something been going on that Pepper knew nothing about?

“I’m sorry,” Pepper says after a moment, “This is the first I’ve heard about anything going on. Treatment for what exactly?”

.

Pepper’s mind is reeling. This isn’t supposed to happen. Tony survived Afghanistan, palladium poisoning, he sacrificed himself for the good of the world, he is a good man. He isn’t supposed to be…

He isn’t supposed to get cancer.

But here she is, sitting in a medical room, discussing chemotherapy and other medical options, and she feels like the world is crumbling around her.

But she has to stay strong. She was called here because Tony needs her, and Tony needs her to be strong. She can wait to break down until she is somewhere private, somewhere where Tony wouldn’t feel terrible for causing her pain. Until then, she has to survive.

The primary tumour, Doctor Lestrade says, originated in the lungs, but was cancer is rapidly spreading. There are two other tumours in Tony’s lungs, and a few smaller ones in the nearby ribs.

“Pepper, once a tumour has grown enough to metastasise in bone material, it is near impossible to cure. The best we can hope for from chemo will be to stop the tumours from growing any larger, and getting them to reduce in size so that Tony can live a long and happy life.”

“But… why did we now notice before now. Surely there were signs?” Pepper looks to Tony.

“Sure there were. Sometimes pain in my chest, sometimes random waves of nausea, though more often it was just me being out of breath at really odd times.”

“You were having breathing problems, and didn’t think anything of it?” Pepper can’t stop the accusatory tone from slipping into her voice, and for a moment she is concerned, but Tony seems to take it in stride.

“I had a lot of breathing problems during the panic attacks. I thought it was related to that.” Pepper has no words. It takes all she has to purse her lips and nod, rather than bursting into tears and screaming that the man she still sort of loves does not deserve the cards laid out for him.

“I’m keeping Tony overnight here,” Doctor Lestrade says. “I want to start him on the hypercalcemia treatment today, and I need to make sure it has no adverse effects.” Pepper nods slowly.

“You gonna be okay Pep?” Tony asks, when the room goes quiet.

“Yeah. Thank you for telling me, I just need some time to…” Pepper doesn’t know how she means to end that statement. “Do you need me to stay or…”

“No. Go. Get your head back on your shoulders.”

“Are you sure? I can—“

“Go. I have Natasha here if I need someone.”

“I… okay. Thank you.”

“Take care of yourself, Pep. At least one of us has to.”

Again, Pepper has no words. She really wishes she did, because those are terrible last ones.

.

Natasha doesn’t come home that night.

Clint knows it is stupid to be worried, after all his partner has long been able to take care of herself, but Fury said that Natasha had refused an assignment to go do whatever it was she was doing that night. Clint doesn’t know how Natasha got away with it. If he refused an assignment, shit would hit the fan and he’d have his ass handed to him by at least fifteen different agents.

Tony doesn’t come home either, and unsurprisingly enough the thought that the two of them were in the same location doesn’t do much to comfort him.

Clint curses when Jarvis tells him that Natasha has accompanied Tony to a “personal appointment”.

He ends up spending the entire night with Bruce and Steve, the three of them sitting and not really watching the movies, as they tried to ignore the tense thoughts that none of them really want to acknowledge.

A sleepless Clint finds Natasha staring at the wall of her bedroom, an overly blank expression on her face, during the mid afternoon.

“Everything okay?” Clint asks, keeping his voice soft, as so not to startle her.

“It is under control,” Natasha’s voice is painfully clipped, “but it is not okay.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“No but, please…” Natasha pats the empty space on the bed beside her. “Stay.”

Clint’s heart is so very close to breaking, as he crawls into the bed beside her, and watches as she curls into him, because he has absolutely no idea of what exactly Natasha has to go through before she shows vulnerability to people, but whatever it is, it isn’t good.

And as the assassin falls asleep in his arms, Clint makes a vow that whichever man is responsible for the misery in house, will pay the price for every second of agony he has cost the people Clint loves.

They will pay for touching his family.

.

Tony is avoiding him.

Bruce doesn’t like the new development

Even though Bruce knows he should appreciate the fact that Tony is giving him space, Bruce isn’t willing to let go of the burning sensation that occurs when Tony could be there, and should be there, but pointedly isn’t.

Half the times he goes to his lab are just to wrestle with that glorious feeling.

But it’s not just Tony giving him space. The man is actively avoiding him.

If it just happened out of the blue, Bruce would be mildly disappointed. He thought Tony would fight harder than that. But he hasn’t forgotten the conversation Clint recounted to him, of Tony and Hulk. Bruce knows that there is something more afoot.

Tony apparently doesn’t want to talk to anyone about it, except for Natasha and possibly Pepper. So if Bruce wants to learn anything from Tony he’s going to have to make the first move.

Which was how he figures out that the man is avoiding him.

Tony has no problems being around him when other people are present, but he keeps making awkward excuses to avoid being alone in the room with him. He keeps his schedule on a staggered system of erraticness, so that his and Bruce’s hours never really line up anymore. Bruce mentions that he has something in a lab that he kinda wants Tony look over that night if he had time, and Tony actually refuses.

The slightly miffed Bruce contents to playing the waiting game, when things suddenly seem to slide out of magnitude that one time that both Tony and Natasha are missing for an entire night. Bruce determines that he has to talk to Tony to figure out what is going on, and what he can do to help.

Tony locks him out of the labs.

Bruce is so utterly shocked that he stands at the door for a full minute before wandering away. The betrayal burns through his skin, and it hurts but Bruce knows he deserves it because he is the one that put it there, and of course Tony doesn’t want to see the man who rejected him…

“Is everything alright?” Steve asks him, when he rounds the corner.

“Tony locked me out of the lab,” Bruce responds. Steve purses his lips.

“I’m calling Pepper.”

.

Tony collapses in the middle of the next fight.

It’s against this group using some power called extremis, which has the uncanny tendency of setting things on fire, but Tony is mostly concerned with nailing as many of them as he can, as fast as he can.

The pain in his chest is really bad today, he can barely move without feeling tell tale twitches, although he hopes that is more from falling asleep on the workshop table rather than the more serious nature of his decaying body manifesting again.

He was recrossing the Avenger’s paths, flying at three of them walking across the street, when suddenly the pain sharpens in his lungs, and he just cannot breathe.

The suit pitches sideways, and Tony struggles to keep from hyperventilating as the panic rises.

He is only vaguely aware of Steve’s concerned yell, of Natasha’s presence right beside him, having kept an eye on him the entire fight just in case something exactly like this happens.

Desperate actions are taken by all the Avengers after Tony drops, because even though Natasha doesn’t leave the fallen man’s side, the fight is done in ten minutes. It takes five minutes after that for Tony to finally get his breathing under control again.

Nick Fury calls an emergency meeting and the five Avengers currently on earth report to the hellicarrier.

“It has come to my attention,” Fury begins slowly, “that the personal health of one of the members may be affecting missions.”

“Oh my god,” Tony bursts out. “I thought that was none of Shield’s business.”

“And usually I would agree, but you cannot tell me that what happened out there today did not affect the overall status of the team, rather than just you. Thus they get a briefing about it.”

“Without telling me?”

“Would you rather leave them in the dark?”

“I understand the necessity of briefing the team,” Tony says through gritted teeth, “I just don’t know why you had to call such an official meeting to do it.”

“Stark…” Fury strikes a warning tone.

“No, it’s fine. Tell them what they need to know. Just don’t expect me to sit around while you do it.”

The rest of the room is quiet as Tony heads for the door. Natasha moves to follow him, but Tony waves her back into her seat. The door shuts with a resolute clang. Fury sighs, and drops into the chair facing those within the room.

“There is no easy way to say this,” Nick Fury begins again, “so I’m just going to come right out and say it.”

.

Tony stands in his workshop, running the same test through the simulator over and over and over again. He isn’t really paying attention to what he’s doing; he’s just fooling around to pass the time before the inevitable happens.

He’s not exactly hiding from what he knows will happen, because he’s told Jarvis to let in anyone who wants access to his lab, but he doesn’t really want to think about what is going to happen.

He doesn’t want to know what the reaction of his teammates will be.

He doesn’t want to know if they cry, or just stand there awkwardly, unable to process what is happening right in front of him. He doesn’t want to see Clint’s horrified face when they tell him that Tony has an estimated two years to live. He doesn’t want to see Steve try to look solemn, but slowly breaking down when he tells Tony that he should conserve his strength and not go out fighting with the team anymore. He doesn’t want to watch as Bruce’s expression goes blank, and he slowly walks away.

He doesn’t want to drag his team down with what is going on with him, but he doesn’t want to go through it alone either.

He runs the simulation again.

He’s surprised when it’s just Clint and Steve that make their way into the lab a long hour and a half later.

Tony stands absolutely stock still, and waits to hear exactly what the two of them will say, whether it is hollow words of consolation, or heartfelt regrets. He doesn’t want to do this. He doesn’t want to have to hear what they have to say.

But they don’t say anything at all.

Tony is simply wrapped up in the warmth of two people he cares about more than himself, in an awkward sort of group hug. They stand there for a full minute, until Tony finally breaks down and pulls them a little closer.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you.”

“It’s okay.” Clint is nowhere near crying, but his voice sounds rough. “We all forgive you.” Tony takes a shuddering breath.

“We are with you,” Steve whispers. “We will make it through this.”

And it is there, in the company of two of his best friends that Tony can finally let go entirely, and let the tears fall.

Steve and Clint stay until the tears have run their course, and Tony feels entirely exhausted because they all know now, but stronger because his great secret is secret no longer.

.

It’s a while later that Bruce wanders into the lab. Tony has finally managed to get his head back into a project he is working on, but he looks up when Bruce’s slow footsteps enter the workshop.

“Hey,” Bruce is wearing ragged jeans and an old shirt, and greets Tony like they haven’t been awkward around each other for the last few weeks. Like Tony hasn’t been avoiding him.

Like he doesn’t have cancer.

“Hey,” Tony responds with a small smile that he knows won’t reach his eyes.

“How have things been going for you?”

“Alright,” Tony responds, “all things considered.” The pressure in Tony’s chest is almost unbearable, but a different kind that what he has been experiencing before. He doesn’t want to look at Bruce, because the pain increases tenfold when he observes the tender expression on the man’s face. He loves the look that crosses that face, and hates himself for wanting it, because Tony is tainted now, and someone as wonderful as Bruce deserves more than to be pulled down with him. It hurts, and Tony knows he has no one to blame but himself.

“Clint says you had a conversation with Hulk.” And of all the things the man could bring up, he has to choose the one that seems irrelevant to Tony. “What you said back then, you said because you knew.”

“Yes.” It’s not a question, but Tony answers it anyway.

“You’ve been avoiding me.” The accusation bounces off as harmless. Bruce approaches Tony until they are facing each other, only about a foot apart. It still hurts to look at him, but Tony forces himself to do it, because he has to do this, has to give Bruce the closure he deserves.

“You rejected me.” Tony isn’t accusing him of anything, but he feels that it needs to be pointed out.

“Maybe I changed my mind.” Bruce is closer now, close enough that Tony can almost smell the tantalising scent that he knows Bruce oozes because reasons, but he tries to keep a level head despite the fact that this may very well be the first time that he’s seen Bruce willingly compromise his own personal space.

“You deserve better than me.” Bruce is beautiful, charming, funny, a ray of sunshine visible through the rain, and he deserves better than the man who is crumbling from the inside out. Tony moves to turn away, but Bruce reaches out to grab his hands, and Tony completely freezes because Bruce’s hands are just so warm. One of them moves up to cup Tony’s face.

“Oh, Tony,” Bruce whispers, and suddenly he is kissing him. Tony is frozen, caught between the horrid darkness pressing on his body and the hope slowly fluttering awake in his chest, and then Bruce licks his lips, and suddenly Tony just reacts. Bruce’s tongue is spicy in his mouth, and his hair is ridiculously soft when Tony’s hands eventually bury themselves there. His body is strong against Tony’s, and his hand burns a warm patch along his hip, supporting Tony when his knees threaten to give out when the sudden wave of joy and finally, finally, _finally_ crashes over him, and he looses himself in the passion of the moment.

“Are you sure you want this?” Tony whispers against Bruce’s lips when they finally part.

“Tony. If this is the only chance I get to be with you, I’m not going to waste it.”

“I thought you were worried about the Hulk.”

“The Hulk can be dealt with at any point. But I don’t want to wake up one morning knowing I missed out on this, and regretting it for the rest of my life.” Bruce presses their hands together, and even though his grip is borderline painful, Tony returns the pressure just as much, because it feels like if they let go of each other then gravity will fail and they will fly apart.

Tony leans in to kiss him again, and he thinks that Bruce is the forbidden fruit that he always wanted, but was never allowed to have. But he’s dying already, what would it matter if he damns his soul just a little bit more.

Bruce’s mouth tastes vaguely of nutmeg, his entire body is warm against Tony’s, and he smells like coming home. He’s also right, because Tony doesn’t want to loose this opportunity either, and though he knows the selfless thing to do would be to ensure Bruce isn’t harmed by his pain, Tony has never been the most selfless person, and he doesn’t want to be alone.

To hell with it, Tony thinks as he brings his own tongue into the delicate dance, he is allowed to be selfish on this.

.

Natasha has a small smile on her face when Tony and Bruce finally emerge from the lab. Their movements are slow, but the two of them are holding hands. Clint follows her eyes, and smiles knowingly, while Steve just looks… the slightest bit proud. The five of them sit around in a semi circle, with a blank space at the end left deliberately for Thor, and they just talk. Natasha is proud of them, and happy that at least some things are going right, despite all that life is throwing at them.

Tony and Bruce are a magnetic presence, never too far from each other, but, Steve thinks, it’s not like he thought it would be. It’s not like everyone else in the room is locked out of what the two have, in fact it feels like a privilege to be in their presence. Steve feels it is very likely that the two would lock out the rest of the world if they thought they had all the time in the world, but recent events have obviously jarred them into realising that the time they have is precious. They will leave no one behind. Steve cannot stop the slow smile spreading across his face, because he finally has something he’d been wanting to find again since before he was frozen. He has found a family.

Clint is delighted when the two lovebirds decide to grace them with their presence. He is half expecting any conversation that happens after this point to be all about Tony, his problems and his treatment, but Clint likes what happens instead a lot better. Steve tells of visiting art museums as a kid, and Bruce talks about a friend he had in high school that lived off pranks. Natasha is laughing out loud, looking completely relaxed for once, and Clint himself actually gets to the point where he can talk about the nicer side of his brother without feeling the overwhelming sense of guilt. Tony is all smiles and talks of stupid things he did in college. He voice gets quiet when he speaks of his father, but he talks of a picnic they and his mother had, which Clint suspects is one of the only fond memories Tony has of his father. Then Natasha takes a deep breath, and talks about a friend she had when she was very young, who used to braid flowers with her and Clint is absolutely floored because Natasha never ever talks about her past. And then he is happy that he met all these wonderful people, because they allowed one of the most beautiful people Clint knows to open up a bit, and allows the tendrils of emotion to spread towards the sun.

Bruce is happy. Tony is a solid warm presence at his side, a reminder that even though things are slowly falling apart, they haven’t yet, and everyone in the room is going to be fighting to make sure they don’t. Hulk is subdued within him, and even though he’s always been afraid of what would happen if he lost control, he isn’t quite so worried anymore, because he has Tony. He will do whatever it takes to keep the Hulk under control because hurting Tony is just not an option. He is no longer afraid. He is determined. And he is no longer alone.

Tony is overwhelmed. After so long thinking that Pepper was the only person who could actually put up with him, he suddenly realises that he has people who are willing to stand beside him till his death bed. And even though that might be traveling towards him faster than he would like, all the people he loves stand strong around him. And they laugh and smile, joke and tell stories about things that once happened to them, and Tony can barely keep the tears from his eyes because he has finally found it. Found the thing he’d been looking for all this time.

Something worth living for.

End of Part One.

**Author's Note:**

> According to the research I did like.... halfway through this fic, nausea isn't a usual symptom of cancer. However is is a symptom of hyperglycemia (too much calcium in the blood), which is common for people with certain kinds of lung cancer, and even more common if the cancer has metastasized in the bones, so I dub it probable that Tony would experience it.


End file.
